Water Under the Bridge


#1

What it takes to sort this all out is the read. Sitting them across the desk. Smelling the alcohol on them after getting a denial that they’ve gone near a bottle at all. Watching them fidget and turn away when asked if they’re attending alcohol treatment classes. The crime is important to sort people into generalized punishment categories, but it is very much the read that determines who gets another chance.

Except that I had no desk to sit them down at. No way to smell breath. No way to see fidgeting and dishonesty. All I had to work with was their voice over Ventrilo, and a history of bad behavior.


Outline for Patch 4.0
#2

As much as Falernashe and I had not seen eye to eye in those earlier years, I had to think the loss of her friend was rough, I would never swear that on any of my worst enemies.


#3

The demographics change based off of type of crime.

Since this is conversation I’ll let you decide but there should be a “the” before “type”.

This was becoming more complex that what I gave the original question credit for.

Change “that” to “than”

If you go into the office and have a pat response

While “pat” as an adjective has “reduced to a simple form” as one of its definitions I would have gone with “canned” here but YMMV.

What it takes to sort this all out is the read.

Formatting error? It is italicized in the paragraph up top but not in the actual blog post.

since I’ve already sort of bounced of a lot of those ideas off of Neps

More "of"s! Actually remove the “of” after “bounced”

preparing to sink it into the alter ego of a ex-guild who

“Ex-guildie” or “ex-guild member” I’m guessing.

She left us in the worst way possible, scathing accusations, fingers pointing and all of the blame sat squarely with me, my mistreatment of her and her friends, her disgust with watching half-assed players rise to prominence in the 25-Man raid roster while she, and her friends, folks like Lhaktar and Teras.

While she and her friends…what? Or was that supposed to be a “with her friends”? Depending on what the goal of this very large sentence is, it may need to be split up or trimmed a bit.

when Drecca mentioned in her in passing

Remove the first “in”

Rest looks clean, nice post.


#4

This was the six year mark as guild leader, but the sixteen year mark as husband.

“my sixteenth year as a husband” (You used “six year mark” twice in a row, very close together)

Neglecting her to ensure the guild stayed focused through 40-Man raids was poor judgement on my part; very representative of life decisions thus far.

"I had neglected her to ensure the guild stayed focused on 40 man raids, which was poor judgement on my part, but very representative of my life decisions so far.

Bona fide

"I was bona fide “Husband of the Year” material.

since she made it her career.

“She had made it her career, after all.”

“Oh, I get it. Like domestic abuse or theft…”

“Yeah! The demographics change based off of type of crime.”

It’s unclear who’s speaking here. You need an “I said”. Also, you should have “based off of THE type of crime.”

judgement

This is indeed “judgment”. You’ll want to change all instances of this error. “Judgement” is the British spelling, so it’s technically not wrong in that context, but we are not British, so it looks like a typo and like you can’t spell correctly. (Which we know you can).

but it is very much the read that determines who gets another chance.

I’m not sure what “it’s very much the read” means.


#5

While the first one is a bit redundant, I think it is drawing a parallel between the two, X is greater than Y and highlighting that.

Too slow I found that one already! =P

“The read” is a concept here I.E. being able to read someone in person based off of their body language etc. Just needs the formatting change with italics I mentioned.


#6

I think what he was going for is “get a read on someone”, which makes better sense and is a more common vernacular.


#7

I rephrased this paragraph somewhat:

Her exit had not been kind. She left us in the worst way possible, scathing accusations, fingers pointing and all of the blame sat squarely with me and my mistreatment of her group. She was disgusted, watching half-assed players rise to prominence in the 25-Man roster while she and her friends, folks like Lhaktar and Teras, remained sidelined. Though she never actually asked me for my reasons, I wouldn’t have been able to pin them down. All I had was the gut to help govern my decisions; to an outcast guildie, it must have looked at lot like favoritism.


#8

You just love the passive voice, don’t you? :wink:

I split the difference: italicized the first one, rephrased the 2nd one to fit ‘get a read on someone’.


#9

There’s public drunkenness, the list of statues is long, and quite often it isn’t really clear!"

Should be statutes.