The Race

The worst part of being a pack rat is the conscious awareness of your irrational emotional attachment to garbage.

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the absence of a guarantee you’ll ever come across the item again

Sometimes less is more: “no guarantee you’ll see the item again”

Justifications only bury the core issue: admitting defeat.

After working this out on paper a bit (literally) the underlying issue is being unable to admit defeat, being unable to admit that all these items (garbage, and as I haven’t read further what you are alluding to is players that cannot be salvaged) have no actual value.

I would change this to read “not admitting defeat” because if you were able to admit defeat then you could start saying “hey these actually do have no value I’ll get rid of them.” Then…

Admitting defeat paints the illusion of coal atop your turds, and no amount of polishing them will get you a victory.

Change this to “Being unable to admit defeat paints…” Also I would pick one or other idiom to stick with, trying to get diamonds from coal or that you can’t polish a turd rather than mix them here.
“Being unable to admit defeat paints the illusion that those lumps of coal can be transformed into diamonds, when in reality not even the coal exists.”

The day of the race arrived. A herd of naked cows perched at the top of Thunder Bluff’s southwestern elevator.

Combine these two with a semicolon after “arrived”

arid savanna.

Even though I am from the US, I’ve always seen it as “savannah” but apparently it is mixed:

sneaking on to ships

In this case, even though it is virtual, your character does actually get “onto” the ship so it should be one word.

the cataclysm

Would this be capitalized as it was an event? The Great Chicago Fire, The Johnstown Flood, The 1906 SanFran Quake etc

Running blinding through the Southern Barrens


most certainly jump at the chance at killing a naked tauren.

“most certainly jump at the chance to kill a naked tauren.”

Perhaps they racers

“they” to “the”

temporary form allegiances


He demanded that I speak to him about in Vent

“I speak to him about it in Vent”

no specific rule banning this kind of behavior, anyway.

Remove the comma here as the pause makes it seem like you are transitioning but the sentence then ends.

with brother’s rampage.

“his brother’s rampage”

Awesome work on this post and littering the text messages throughout and then the wrap up at the end.

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