Revised Post: The Underwater Cavern

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2.16 - http://eightyearsinazeroth.blogspot.com/2012/11/2-16.html

it would transport us into an underwater lair hiding the Naga, amphibious humanoid creatures that swore their lives to Azshara.

“…hiding the Naga, an amphibious humanoid…”

All of these ability

“abilities”

like flashes of yellow lightning.

I think you want “piss streams” or “golden showers” here. ;D

filling whenever possible.

“filling in…”

Excruciating, amid the knowledge that progression had come to a dead halt, once again.

This is a fragment; are we talking about Volitar’s demeanor or the state of the raid or what?

“Yeah, guyth. We got thith,” replied Ekasra

BWAHAHAHA, our very own Mike Tyson without the whole tough black guy bit. What does he think about this portrayal? I don’t recall his lisp being quite that bad, only noticeable. We then of course exaggerated it.

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Ew.

Concur, I can see I was borderlining some stream-of-consciousness style at that point, and it can be confusing to the reader if not handled correctly. I’ve rephrased that a part a bit.

That’s a very good question, and I’m still sort of on-the-fence about how I wrote it. It was a very real issue, but they way I wrote it, seems a bit contrived and disingenuous. Perhaps @Ekasra can chime in on it himself. Writing lisps, accents, etc. is pretty new to me, still. How far do you take it?

[EDIT]

Jul mentioned that in the Harry Potter novels, people with accents had their dialogue written phonetically, so maybe this is OK.