Revised Post: The Not-Knowing

2.41 - http://eightyearsinazeroth.blogspot.com/2013/03/2-41.html

No more phone calls, no more plans to bike down to the Mini-Golf to get in a few hours of Street Fighter II, no more plans to hit a movie, or just plain hang out together.

I would say make two sentences here: full stop at “Street Fighter II” and then capitalize “no”. You could also remove the comma after “movie”.

Some have the capacity to move on to new friendly quickly

“…move on to a new friend” or “…move on to new friends”?

shrugging such radical changes off

I like “shrugging off such radical changes”, flows a bit better to have the action in one shot.

Their brains find a solution, plug in it

“…plug it in”

Sometimes weeks… sometimes months

Extra space after the ellipses.

Weeks went by as I logged into WoW, watching, waiting for Ater to return, to tell me he was settled in at work, and at last had a wide-open schedule, and was ready to jump back into Black Temple, cutting swaths of Fel Orcs and Satyrs aside, ready to step up to Illidan and bring an end to The Betrayer.

Pretty run on. “Weeks went by as I logged into WoW, watching and waiting for Ater to return, to tell me he was settled in at work and at last had a wide-open schedule. I was waiting for Ater to tell me he was ready to jump back into Black Temple, ready to step up to Illidan and bring an end to The Betrayer.” I tried to work everything in there but maybe you can play with it some and get the Orc/Satryr swath cutting going.

Ah, here’s where the Az bashing comes in, =D

jumped into boat of ridicule with us and sailed to sea.

“jumped into that boat…” Also, hilarious analogy.

and if they didn’t ship up, they would ship out.

Change the first “ship” to “shape”.

demanding their reach a level of skill simply unattainable.

“demanding that they reach a level…”

I’d fire back seething responses.

Probably want to go with a colon at the end here since the next bit is the examples of what you said.

zero-tolerance policy of mediocrity

Change “of” to “towards”.

as Ater had been wearing multiple hats at the end of tenure.

“…end of his tenure.”

a raider stretching even further back that Ater

Change “that” to “than”.