which made it that much more important that our raid roster were intimately clear on what we expected of them.
All of the verbs and pronouns here are plural when raid roster is singular and it sounds a bit off. Maybe change “roster” to “members”.
This was Phase One, lasted until Vashj’s health dropped to 70%, and was so trivial that the raid had mastered it within several pulls.
Works best as either “This Phase One lasted until…” or “This was Phase One and lasted…”
At the base of the steps surrounding the Lady’s podium was where the Cavern’s water level had risen to.
Hrmm. Sounds off, what about “The Cavern’s water level had risen to the base of the steps surrounding the Lady’s podium.”
From this water henceforth emerged Elementals, summoned to their master, moving slowly up the steps towards her beck and call.
I’m not quite sure beck and call fits in this matter, or maybe it just reads funny. Also “summoned to their master” and implying the Elementals are at Vashj’s beck and call serve the same purpose. What about "From this water henceforth emerged Elementals, moving slowly up the steps, responding to their master’s beck and call.
they would dissolve and transfer their power to her, growing her in both strength and size.
A bit redundant but I don’t like the way “growing her” reads. What about “…transfer their power to her, granting both strength and size.”
While the raid spread out around the circumference of the podium, watching for Elementals, killing them before they reached their master, raiders had to keep a keen eye out for a specific Elemental that stood out: Corrupted and green, much like Hydross when pulled out of his purifying beams.
Definitely run on. “While the raid spread out around the circumference of the podium, they watched for Elementals, killing them before they reached their master. Raiders had to keep a keen eye out for a specific Elemental: Corrupted and green, much like Hydross when pulled out of his purifying beams.” (If raiders needed to keep a keen eye out, the Elemental didn’t really stand out too well)
and then use on the each of the four generators.
Remove “the” before “each”
Tainted Core tossing was a complex task even by simple description.
Whut? I am assuming you want to make a contrast in that, the tainted core toss is complicated in just the description so in application it was even more difficult. In this case, remove “simple”.
The Coilfang Strider kite was up in there air.
“…up in the air”.
we certain looked like children
So, do I join Blain and the others, getting a chance to see, first-hand, how to fix the mistakes we were making in the Vashj encounter, risking the possibility of poaching from the ex-server-first guild?
Commagedrunon. "So, do I join Blain and the others in seeing how to fix the mistakes we were making during the Vashj encounter and risk players being poached?