Revised Post: Day of the Dog

2.38 - http://eightyearsinazeroth.blogspot.com/2013/02/2-38.html

all-too

No hyphen needed, two words.

Illidan was all-too suspicious of his Broken comrade

Should broken be capitalized? Some lore thing?

He knew that inside, Akama was, and always will be, a Draenei, a force for good, powered by the light of the Naaru – an alien race blessed by the light and destined to overthrow the burning legion. The legion Illidan now served under. It was in Illidan’s best interests to enslave Akama’s shade, guaranteeing his loyalty. Illidan had the foresight to see Akama’s eventual betrayal.

Oh my. “He knew that inside, Akama was, and always will be, a Draenei, a force for good powered by the light of the Naaru – an alien race destined to overthrow the burning legion. This being the same legion that Illidan now served under so it was in his best interests to enslave Akama’s shade, guaranteeing his loyalty. Illidan had the foresight to see Akama’s eventual betrayal.”

Meanwhile, DPS spun around the circle of casters that clung to their post, using every bit of their last breath to summon imprisoning beams that ensured the Shade of Akama stayed bound to Illidan’s allegiance.

Maybe it is just me but this confused the hell out of me that you were talking about the casters doing the beams. "Meanwhile, DPS moved around, attacking the circle of casters who were using every bit of their last breath to summon imprisoning beams that ensured the Shade stayed bound to Illidan’s allegiance.

destruction-specced

I usually do spec’ed or speced since the word is shortened from specialized (one “c”) but this is minor because it is only a WoWism.

he produced so much damage that his threat burst out of Omen like lanced boil

/Petergriffin Haha, gross.

it was his mastery of the warlock caused Recount to float purple bars to the top.

Needs a “that” after “warlock”

I kept at it. And was sure to remind Eaca that he better watch out, that one day I would catch up to him – a playful joke that he laughed off, knowing full well that a troll priest lacked the tools necessary to match the power of a destruction warlock.

I’m guessing you want to mirror the previous two sentences here which start off as “I kept on it” so I would change “I kept at it” to that and then just roll into the next sentence rather than stopping before “And”.

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The Broken were the draenei that withered away into those decrepit versions of their former selves, so I assume in this case it is the proper name for a sect of draenei, and should therefore be capitalized.

Yeah, this one is a bit rough. Took some of your ideas and rolled in a few more changes to them.

It’s not you. Coming back to read this after some time and, yeah…it’s confusing as shit. Rewrote.

Agree, but chose to do away with it altogether.

The rest of the edits were rolled up. This one had all kinds of shit that needed to be touched up. At one point I saw ‘his’ written as ‘hiz’, ffs!