New Post: Legendary

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Today’s post is a little longer than my usual target of 1400-1600 words (I typically allow it to balloon up to 1700 if there’s dialogue), so please be brutally honest about this post in regards to my rambling. Is it too much? Or do I deliver what needs to be said without completely boring the reader to death?

Since the restructure involved me eating my own dog food, it stood to
reason that I needed to take advantage of the time-off kickback I
granted to my Elite. But not just closing up a laptop, and then
re-opening it somewhere else – I’m talking about the kind of time-off
that warrants full disconnection. The concept of a vacation devoid
of any gaming was shamefully bizarre. Think of it. A trip free of
frantically setting up a computer on my father’s coffee-table, filling
some spot in a raid because nobody else was available. For the first
time in four years, my trip up north would be sans World of Warcraft.
I’d earned it. And I needed it.

But first, there was some business to attend to.

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I successfully converted a few of the groans into chuckles as let the
Old God consume us, and moments later we were running back.

As we let?

Food was eaten. Flasks were consumed. The raid rebuffed.

Cut that, save yourself a couple words.

Cheeseus acknowledged.

“Alright, boys. Burn him down.”

Change the structure of this so that it’s one line for neps saying they’re in, and then I reply in the next line?

Non of your links seem to be working. Y U NO LINK Val’anyr?

All i can come up with atm.

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I think it’s been linked enough. I dunno. What’s the survey say?

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a certain rogue raid leader had a thousand curses levied on to his
family name.

on to or onto?

Friday, July 31st began on time, as always. Having people online
thirty minutes prior to the first pull had long since been burned into
their brains. The Elites had a reputation to uphold, a title to
maintain as was required by Hanzo’s law. The Raiders who itched for a
spot, even if not rotated in, would be online, available, messaging
officers alerting them of availability in case spots needed to be
filled. The summer months made this system truly shine, as more folks
were becoming loosey-goosey with their obligations to the raid roster.
I no longer took it personally. You had a window of fifteen minutes
before we started to fill your spot. And our abundance of players made
that a stress-free administrative process. No matter the verdict, we
had 25 people ready to go and in the instance by 7:00pm MST, and were
already in our vehicles, headed towards Flame Leviathan.

If you needed to trim down or eliminate things, I’d suggest this paragraph. Overall it’s nice to see that people are showing up early, eager to go, but overall it isn’t giving too much to the story. We know things are going well. As you said “Business is good”.

Prodigie Crown of the Wayward Vanquisher
Prodigie Runed Orb
Prodigie Leviathan Fueling Manual
Prodigie Breastplate of the Wayward Vanquisher

Fucking divinepants.

“Mature has this one. Omaric, you’re next.” I did the one thing I
could do well: Taunt. An Immortal Guardian turned away from Gunsmokeco
and headed straight for me. Up went Vampiric Blood.

Is this needed, apart from to tie into “Once again, I joined Omaric and Bretthew in our tank rotation for phase 3”? Couldn’t it stand alone without it?

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The rule about on to/onto is, if you are physically getting up onto something, use onto, otherwise on to.

I’ll make a pass here in a few moments.

I needed to take advantage of the time-off kickback I granted to my Elite. But not just closing up a laptop, and then re-opening it somewhere else – I’m talking about the kind of time-off that warrants full disconnection.

I think “time-off” used to describe the kickbacks needs the hyphen but when time off is the subject itself it does not.

coffee-table

HYPHEN KEY STAHP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STAHP.

The Raiders who itched for a spot, even if not rotated in, would be online, available,

Comma Chameleon! Change the comma after online to “and”.

You had a window of fifteen minutes before we started to fill your spot. And our abundance of players made that a stress-free administrative process.

This could be one sentence.

the first legendary the guild had seen since Ater’s Thunderfury many years before.

Didn’t some lame Rogue we know get Illidan’s blades?

but after being planted firmly in the chaos of The Mile High City 9/10ths out of the year

Sounds better as “…being planted firmly in the chaos of The Mile High City for 9/10ths of the year”

It is a bit long because of telling of the two stories, both in-game and IRL and it doesn’t drone on so no issues.

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Didn’t some lame Rogue we know get Illidan’s blades?

Who? If you mean me, I got my first one in Cata. I can’t think of the rogue that actually got both, but he got them in Cata too, after I got my one.

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Nah I thought Blain got them at one point.

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Actually…