The eyes of a rogue that drove his blades deep into Kil’jaeden saw a very different picture of the World. To Cheeseus, guilds like Enigma and Inertia should have been stomped into the dirt months ago. Every man, woman, and Ben in the guild should already have their Iron Bound Proto-Drakes, and be listed in the top ten of the world first raid completion leaderboard. Any attempts to justify poor play should be met with swift and brutal justice. Through these stilted eyes, the many successes Descendants of Draenor enjoyed were clouded by a fog of self-doubt. He saw no great successes; the minutia of realm-first losses crackled through his neocortex like a storm.
Plans were already set into motion as to how we would leverage the guild’s resources and assign the next legendary weapon, come patch 3.3 Two fully equipped 25-Man raids, running on entirely different schedules.
Run-on/comma splice with an out of place capitalization.
I haven’t had enough coffee yet so I’m just gonna leave this here for the sake of being before Dalans, but let him correct it.
I’ve repaired this, but take note that my intention was to have it read as a bullet point list of our successes, so further on into the paragraph the sentences shorten to the point of becoming fragments on purpose.
Hopefully by touching up the one you outlined here, the transition works a bit better and it reads in a smoother flow.
Work was going to begin on Trial of the Grand Crusader this week.
“Work would begin on Trial of the Grand Crusader that week.”
Two words, no hyphen.
Every man, woman, and Ben in the guild
and Ben, haha.
Comes the crushing blow.
Is this intentional or should it be “Then comes…”?
Should be “shit-on” as I am assuming he was meaning people were dumping on him.
Every man, woman, and Ben
I didn’t know what was going on at the start, then i realized i had skipped one…